“She always screams,” her dad had a distraught look in his eyes as he stood at the doorway of the children’s nursery.
It was my turn to be one of the volunteers in my church’s nursery and I was looking forward to it. All the toddlers know me and we usually have a fun evening of playing with toys, reading stories, and having snack time.
Chloe was a smart girl. She clung tightly to dad’s shirt and watched me with distrusting eyes.
Dad finally decided it was time to go and left a screaming Chloe with me. (If you know much about toddlers you’ll know that when one starts screaming, they all start screaming.)
As I began to calm down the room full of screaming children, I was imagining all of them as grownups who are engaging with a business on Instagram or Facebook. My brain was drawing parallels from how the real-life human behavior of these toddlers pertained to building relationships online.
1. Call people by name.
As I gave a screaming Chloe a drink of water and walked around the room with her, I kept using her name when I talked to her. This visibly began to calm her down within seconds. Why?
I was creating a sense of intimacy and comfort. The same can be put into practice with your business in the online space.
When you’re commenting or replying to people online, it’s important to refer to them by name for several reasons:
It helps them feel valued.
It allows them to trust you more quickly because you’re creating a bond.
It helps you relate to them as a human being instead of another nameless user.
It helps you remember them when you interact with them again.
It really comes down to putting the human element back into your marketing practice. What’s more human than calling a person by their first name?
So take the time to learn the names of the people who are engaging with your brand online. This is just the beginning though….
2. Introduce them to a friend.
Chloe had begun to calm down but she wasn’t happy. She looked at the door through which her dad had disappeared and burst into tears again. Miss Chloe needed a friend.
I brought the distraught toddler to the low, U shaped table where everyone was getting ready to scribble on coloring pages. I introduced her to a toddler her age, who picked up a broken crayon and handed it to her with a chubby cheeked grin.
Marketing is about storytelling. Storytelling creates community.
Effective marketing involves building relationships and connecting people to one another. Building an online community around your brand is key to long term success.
Too many businesses take a “look at me!” approach. They forget that everything they are doing SHOULD be focused on the customer, not themselves.
It’s human nature to want to connect with other humans. Brands that are good at forging connections among their advocates will create a vibe that serves to draw more and more people to them.
3. Your energy changes everything.
Throughout my night of caring for that room full of toddlers, Chloe kept getting upset easily, and I instinctively knew that the most important behavior in the room was my own.
I focused on remaining calm. I kept smiling. I used a soothing tone of voice when I was talking to her or the rest of the toddlers. Each time, I was able to reassure Chloe and the group that everything would be okay and soon they would go back to playing together happily.
Communicating online is hard.
People may not be able to see your face when you’re leaving a comment online, but they subconsciously pick up on verbal cues that quickly let them know whether you’re approachable or not.
You may not even realize what energy you are projecting through your online communications. That’s ok…. Just take a step back before you post and think about how it might be received by an outsider before you post.
Read it and then reread it. Don’t be afraid of using smiling emoticons or funny ones that show your sense of humor. Be a friend to make a friend.
The energy you convey in a quick online interaction could make or break your ability to form a relationship with a customer or business.
4. Pay attention to one individual, while being mindful of the others.
I had to give Chloe more attention than the others during the entire evening, but I couldn’t afford to let the others feel left out. That would not have ended well!
When I was feeling overwhelmed by the amount of needs in the room, I called in help from two other volunteers. I also recruited the happiest toddlers to help me with small tasks and praised them profusely. This inspired more of the toddlers to develop great leadership skills and help me with whatever I needed.
In the same way, you should make sure everyone feels involved when you are building relationships online.
When you’re commenting on a social thread, engage with more than one person even if you’re focused on the interaction with one of them.
When you share a story about one person who’s watching your live video, make it valuable for everyone. For example, if you share a particular memory of that person or you comment on something they’ve been putting into action, bring it back to the topic you’re speaking on and relate it to everyone.
Part of providing value to those around you includes involving them in what you’re doing. Through learning to contribute, people begin to feel empowered. They feel connected. They learn more about who they are. They learn what they are capable of.
5. Make it fun!
In the toddler room, I needed to find a way to make Chloe laugh. Once I was able to do something goofy and get Chloe to giggle at me, I knew I was on my way to building a common ground of trust with her. Soon she felt comfortable enough to play with a toy on her own and eat the snack that we gave to her.
This works on adults, too. When a guy likes a girl, one of the first things that he’ll try to do to get her to like him is to get her to laugh. If you’re not sure when a guy likes you, just ask yourself how often he tries to get you to laugh. See? Now you know!
Humor creates a sense of comfort, which then builds trust.
Why so serious with your social media content? Make it fun. Share a funny meme every so often. Don’t be afraid to be goofy and laugh at yourself while you’re doing a Facebook Live. People are attracted to really fun energy. When you make them feel happy, they’ll be much more willing to trust you.
If you have a serious type of business, you’ll obviously need to use discretion about the type of humor you use. When you can find something to share that’s humourous and aligns with your brand message, you’ll delight all of your followers!
What have you learned from observing real life behaviors?
Most of us love “people watching”, especially if we ever happen to be at a Walmart. I have to schedule some extra time in my day if I get a reason to go there, and not because the lines are long.
Come on, I know I’m not the only one!
Secretly, I would like to dress up in footie pajamas and be one of the crazy ones. I’m not brave enough to wear pantyhose as pants yet, but if I did I’d get my chance of going viral, right?
BONUS TIP: You should be observing the real-life behaviors of people around you everywhere you go. I would encourage you to watch what people do and how they interact with others. The same actions that help people feel safe or make someone smile can be applied to the ways we interact online.
Be intentional about being around people simply to observe them.
Spend time volunteering so you have the chance of interacting with human beings in what might be transactional circumstances.
Think about the ways people communicate.
Take notes about the differences between communicating with someone who already loves and trusts you versus someone you’ve met for the very first time. When you can draw from specific experiences, you will be able to learn specific tactics that you can then tailor to your approach to online marketing.
Being a “people person” isn’t limited to face to face interactions. Little Chloe taught me a lot about how I can be a better marketer online, and my business will benefit greatly from these lessons.
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Edited by Shauna Armitage | Originally written for and published on The Modern Marketer
